Why do I keep living here?

i was talking with a friend who knows my sexual orientation and he asked me why i didn't move someplace like new york city with a larger group of homosexuals? i guess that my desire to live in a town of this size (4000 or 5000 i am guessing) is more important to me than living in a community of like minded individuals. maybe it would be the same i don't know. i just love the small town america feel of my hometown. you know a lot of the people in town. there are drawbacks to this but it is also nice in many ways. i feel safe here. in new york i would be very scared of crime and hate crimes. we all look out for one another here. i'm not saying that i don't get the occasional crude comments or have people i dislike but if it wasn't for being a homosexual someone would dislike me for something else just as baseless. take it or leave it this is my hometown for a reason.

ok, one of my friends from school talked me into going and trying golf this weekend here in town. i gotta say that if you are the obsessive type who has to be the best at everything i can understand how you would like that game. i am the type that doesn't want to do something if i am not good at it immediately or doesn't see that i could be good at it. i don't think that i am ever going to try that again. it was just so demeaning to try and hit a ball that is sitting still and yet i could only muster thirty feet of movement from it. the putting part wasn't so bad but i like putt putt golf. well thats all from upstate new york this week.

my post this week

there isn't a whole lot happening up here this week. you can still smell the paper mill, the sun is beautiful coming over the foothills. rain starts tonight and tomorrow and then some warm temps thursday and friday with rain coming in for the weekend. ok now i have written for this week. maybe i can come up with something to add later.

i have already screwed up

ok, so i have already failed to post at least once a week.  last week was busy and by the time that i got home i just didn't have the energy. this week isn't much better. i think i like it when i am too busy to stew about how unhappy my life is and how much i don't have anyone to blame for it but myself. the life i want isn't just going to come to me, i need to go out and get it, at least meet it halfway. i don't know, what do you think?